The throbbing is catastrophic; almost disastrous. A stomach-churning feeling of pain, disgust and sadness is over shadowing my pathetic existence. I am seeing them together and I cannot take this anymore. She was holding his hands and they both were kissing, hugging, canoodling carelessly. At the far end, I stand and weep. You see…. I love Sara.
I am in my room with a switchblade in my hand. I know I can slit my wrists and watch blood flow down. Blood; the color of love. I am holding her picture. The one we took at the prom. She was looking stunning that day; hair tossed up in a bun with loose curls caressing her soft face. And I guess I was not looking bad either. We laughed and danced and drank a lot of beer till we collapsed. I am laughing hard now, as tears are gently flowing down my face.
You see, Sara and me go way back, I remember the first time I met her at junior high. I was the new kid and she was a big bully back then.
“Hey you, come here!” She demanded.
“Me, why? What did I do?” I went up to her. She was big and slightly overweight and was looking at me heatedly.
“Come here you prick!” She grabbed me from my sleeves and started to drag.
“Hey, what gives?” I started to shake with tears in my eyes.
“What’s your name?” She roared.
“Joey…let me go!!” I begged.
“Give me your lunch!” She demanded.
“Here, just leave me alone!” I cried, but no one heard me.
Those were the days. I am looking at the dance pictures. These pictures were taken four years ago but I still remember those beautiful days and would take them with me to my grave. I was selected as her dance partner and junior high was long gone. The bully turned into a beautiful young woman and the whimpering kid was a strong good-looking man. I was drowning; drowning in love, and all I cared about was Sara and even now as I shed tears, I love Sara.
“I am telling you it’s a bad idea, why don’t you take Eric as your partner.” I tried to protest while she laughed.
She was wearing an untailored white blouse neatly tucked in her Levis and was looking as beautiful as ever. I was in my usual sports attire and was flushed with embarrassment. We were holding each other in our arms and were dancing at a snail's pace on the beats of some classic song. These were romantic moments and I was secretly hoping they would never have to end.
“Hey don’t be a Jack; Eric is not a good dancer. I’ve seen you move like a maniac in the club. You can do this. Isn’t this sweet?” Her deep blue eyes were on mine and for a moment I was hypnotized by her attractiveness, her skin dripping with a sweet smelling perfume which filled the air, I pulled her closer.
“Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!” I heard a crowd roar behind me. I let go of Sara and turned around to see all the guys looking at our direction and grinning broadly.
“Now I see why Joey was missing gym. He is into dancing.” Eric was laughing like a maniac and all other guys were taking his leads.
“Hey leave Joey alone, he is helping me out. He is such a darling,” Sara landed a quick soft kiss on my cheek and then nothing mattered as we practiced ballet for hours. Later at the prom night we won the dance competition. Side by side we stood together; holding hands, laughing and hugging as the guys tried to tease me.
“Joey,” Sara was caressing my hand with her smooth fingers and we were sitting at a corner; where a couple of hours ago the DJ was rolling discs.
“Thank you so much for being my dance partner. I am so happy that I know ...”
I didn’t let her finish the sentence, as I traced her lips with quivering fingers and kissed her on the mouth.
I love Sara and I cannot stand looking at the picture I am holding now. Its Sara’s wedding picture. With a huge grin on her face, she is standing proud with her man; my friend Eric. I was at the wedding but was at a far corner, hiding behind a tree; watching them kissing tentatively in view of the guests. I remember having once been hit by a car and went flying in a nearby wall. I was hospitalized for a month and was in great agony but that pain was feeble to the pain I was feeling at the wedding. My heart was sinking and blackness swept before my eyes. I somehow made it to my apartment and crashed on the doorsteps.
“Hey!” Sara face lit up as she saw me at the door.
“Can I can come in?” I asked hesitantly.
She gave me her sweet expression of annoyance that I adore.
“You silly, you don’t need to ask, step in.”
I had the ring in my pocket. And I was gathering the courage to present it to her and ask her to take my hand.
“Hey, you goof! I know that look, what do you want, I am not going to lend you any money!”
Sara eyes were fixed on mine. She had a mischievous grin on her angelic face. Her hairs hung loosely on her shoulder and her eyes were fixed on my face.
“Well I’ve been trying to tell you for so long… that I…. I…”
The doorbell rung and then my whole world collapsed.
“Hey who could this be? You hold your thoughts. I’ll be right back!” Sara smiled and went out, leaving me and my thoughts alone.
After a few minutes I heard Sara scream. I was on my feet and out in a stance. I was ready to rip apart anyone who made her scream.
It was Eric and he was holding my Sara and she was screaming with excitement. I stood there confused as I saw them both canoodling and smiling. And then Eric kissed Sara on the mouth and my heart sank in an abyss of darkness.
“Joey!” Sara ran towards me and enfolded my body in her arms.
“Look at this, just look at this!” Sara was waving her hand. And I saw it. She was wearing an engagement ring.
“Eric just asked me to marry him and I said yes!” Sara looked at me and a look of uneasiness crept over her face.
“Are you okay Joey?” Sara was looking at me with those lovely, half concerned blue eyes.
“Congratulations!” was all I could say forcefully and halfheartedly.
What I am doing won’t be considered human by most mortals. I would be labeled a psycho, a maniac or a mentally retard person but nobody would know the reason I am doing this. But I know it in my heart I am doing all of this because of Sara. I love Sara. I just heard Sara moan. She must be regaining her consciousness. But I am not worried I had tied her. I am not evil but I can’t control the hate and hurting in my heart, and the hurt that she caused in me is a great deal. You see I invited both Eric and Sara at my apartment, as any normal person would invite a friend. A friend? Hah! Such a temptress she looked, her curvy figure being accentuated by her sexy silk blouse and short black skirt. In they walked into my trap, hand in hand. As they ate, I creepily smiled but no one was kind enough to pay any heed. I had drugged their food. As they lay comatose, I tied them both up and threw them in the cold attic. I have never hurt a person in my life so slitting Eric’s throat was the hardest thing for me to do. And I was taken aback as he woke up from his unconscious state and struggled with the ropes till he bled to death. I dragged Eric’s body away from Sara and started to kill her the same way. But my hand froze. The memories came back hard then, and I was drowning in a sea of flash backs. I remembered the bully at junior high, the young woman at the dance and her innocence, which I had fantasized about so much. I knew I could not do it. Eric was not who I cared about but I love Sara.
So I am writing this suicide note and Sara is weeping and asking me questions. She wants to know where Eric was and why I was doing this. She could not believe that her best friend could be a maniac. I don’t know why love is supposed to be bliss when it hurts so much. I am almost finished with my suicide note. I don’t feel any good as I have slit my wrist a few minutes before and blood was dripping off my wounds.
“Joey for God sake please, I beg you stop this!” She was trying hard to convince me with tears flowing down her face, as I walked towards her. I cupped her angelic face in my hand as tightly as I could, raised it and gently traced her lips with the tips of my fingers. I looked lovingly at the horror-struck look on her face and let out a pleasured moan.
“You made me do this, honey, only you…” I whispered, as I pulled myself closer to her and threw her on the floor, climbing on top of her heartlessly, lifting her skirt, unbuttoning her blouse, revealing soft skin. Words failed her, and all I heard was heavy breathing, heart pounding, shocked gasps, and terror in her eyes but I did not care. I had her. She was mine, and nothing would take her away from me. Absolutely nothing.
ending is not by me.. u can suggest one if u like?