Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Only hell…

It was the creeping sound of pain and terror. I looked around and saw that a bloody massacre was taking place. There were people lying all around me. And than there were some people running with blood pouring down their face.

I looked around and saw some deformed human beings or perhaps they were mutilated devils. They were eating the flesh of the people lying on the floor. They were tearing their faces, ripping the throats of those unfortunate people with their sharp claws. I saw with great pain as one devil picked up a baby from the floor. The infant was crying or moaning but the devil paid no heed to it. He poked his sharp claws in the chest of the baby and ripped his heart out. He threw the lifeless body of the baby, which was taken with great eagerness by other devils.

I had seen enough. I moved toward the door with a huge sign reading exit. Although the devils paid no heed to me and gave way when I came close to them I was scared stiff. I was soaked with perspiration and splattering blood that was flowing like a flood from the dead bodies.

I reached the huge door. It was wooden and had a rotten odor. May be I was going insane but I felt that the door was alive but it was too late. I went to the other side not looking back and paying attention to the rising screams and agonizing shrieks..

“Hey honey I think there is some one in the room”

My wife whispered.

I just pretend not to listen to her. In fact I was thinking about the mutilated devils and the way they ate the people.

“You bastard there is some one in the room”

My wife hit me hard at the back.

YEOCUHHH!!! I screamed and my hand went at my back. There it was a knife stabbed in my back. I felt it with my hands and also the warm blood flowing from my wounds.

” Damn you!” I yelled.

I got up quickly. And my wife never got a chance. I took the knife out from my back and put it in her chest with all my might. Laughing heartily as I stabbed her again and again.

My wife on her part just screamed and died. I looked at her wounds and the blood and it reminded me of the devil and the way one of them ate the infant’s heart. All of a sudden I had a sudden urge to do the same. I looked at the bloody deformed chest of my wife. I went for the heart. Just like the devil I burst my hand into her chest. It felt strange but I got hold of her heart. I ripped it out with all my might. Her heart was in my hand and was still beating.

“ Honey, don’t eat my heart red!” My wife whispered and grinned at me.

I looked at her and smile. Weird she was still alive. Her freaking heart was beating in my hands and she was still alive. I took one bite of her heart and puked all over. The stuff tasted like shit.

“Hey that was not nice you hurt her feeling!”

I heard some one behind me. I turned and saw my wife standing all bloody and torn. I looked at the bed and my wife was lying there too moaning softly.

“ I told you there was some on in the room” My wife whined as usual.

I turned back to my standing wife again. She was holding a knife in her hand.

“ Time to die honey!”

My wife screamed and jumped at me. I went back tripped and fell over the bed. My wife on the bed gripped me while my other wife poked the knife in my neck. I screamed with throbbing as I felt warm fluid flowing like a stream from my veins. With all my might I pushed my wife off me she hit the floor hard and screamed so sound that it hurt my ears.

I got up and looked at the bed. It was empty and my heartless wife was gone with her replica. I was sweating and bleeding badly from my wounds and then I saw it. There were many of them crawling on the floor advancing toward me. They were the little devils. I jumped off the bed and one devil got me. He bit me hard on the leg and I shrieked with pain. I looked for an escape and found it. There was the huge door with a sign reading exit. It looked familiar to me but I had no time to think. Most of the little devils were on me. Biting me, piercing my skin with their sharp needles. I ran toward the door screaming.

I reached the huge door. It was wooden and had a rotten odor. May be I was going insane but I felt that the door was alive but it was too late. Going through the door it occurred to me that I lived alone and was never married.

“Hey I don’t think this guy is dead.” I heard a sound.

I tried to open my eyes but my eyelids were glued to my skin. For some strange reason I knew that. I also knew that I am in a hospital. I was on a bed in fact I was chained to it. The chains were holding me tight. And there were two doctors standing beside me. They were the devil. I could not see them but I knew they have rotten puss filled skin that was shredding off. The doctors were holding scissors and injection and they were going to operate on me.

I tried to scream but I knew my bleeding tongue was pulled out of my mouth and pinned to my chin. So I waited….

“What do you think is the problem with him” I heard one doctor.

“Its simple there is a nail stuck in his heart all we have to do is open his chest and take the nail out.” The other devil doctor replied and laughed hysterically.

There was no noise but that of operating tools. I felt immense pain on my chest as the knife slowly opened me up. I became wet with my own blood as I felt hands exploring my internal organs. The pain was immense as the doctors pulled my heart out. I felt my body exploding and with immense pain I jerked my head. It did wonders for me as my eyelids were free from the glue holding them and I opened my eyes.

There they were the devils. They were holding my heart and examining it. I lifted me head and looked at my body. I could see every layer and arteries of my blood soaked body. There was everything but my heart. I started to cry..

“ Hey don’t cry it would be ok” One of the doctors comforted me.

“But I don’t have a heart” I replied moaning…

“ Sorry but your heart is wasted” The other devil doctor said and put my beating heart in his mouth and chewed it.

I wept as I saw the doctor ate my heart.

And then it occurs to me. The chain holding me was no longer there. I was free. I looked at the devil eagerly licking the blood of their hands. With no time to waste I swept on my feet. And started to run.

“Hey where you think you are going!” One of the doctors shrieked.

I had to get out. I ran with my organs sticking out of my opened chest and my blood flowing.

“Grab him!” One of the doctors shouted.

I was looking for an escape and then I found it. There was a wooden door with a sign reading exit. I went for it.

“Hey don’t go through that door” I heard someone.

I looked back and saw a demon appeared in the room from a monarchy of hell. I saw with horror as the demon went for the devil doctors. The doctors were clawing the face of the demon, stabbing it with their claws and needles. But the demon was not hurt by it. The demon grabbed one doctor and with his sharp teeth chewed his face off. The other doctor was now on the run but the demon easily grabbed him and rips his body apart with its demonic claws.

I was scared stiff. The only one left for the demon was I. So I ran again for the door.

“I said don’t go through that door” came back the voice again.

I turned around and saw the demon approaching me. I was terrorized, as I stood numb waiting for my piteous fate.

The demon grabbed me by my shoulder and threw me at a wall. I screamed as I hit the wall hard I felt my head split open.

“ I just saved your life.” I heard the demon but the world was spinning and blood was flowing. I guess I died.

“Wake up moron!” Someone jerked me hard.

“Huh what?” I muttered and opened my eyes.

Darkness greeted me as I slowly adjusted my eyes to the surrounding.

“ You slept almost through the entire movie.” I heard a stunned voice.

I looked at my friend. He looked like he was going to strike at me at any moment.

“ Hey sorry pal. I was so tired I guess I dozed off.” I tried to explain.

“Yeah well it’s your lost you missed a creepy horror flick,” My friend teased.

I smiled a little. My friend was occupied by the movie again. I lifted my head and looked around. Everyone was into the horror flick.

And then it occurred to me. I was shaken badly and was wet with perspiration. That was strange. Maybe I had a nightmare, I reasoned myself.

“Hey I am going for a drink.” I whispered to my friend who simply nodded in return and was obviously occupied by the movie.

I stood up making my way in the dark when for just a moment I looked at the screen. The movie was a horror flick by all means. I saw with disgust as one mutilated being tore open a teenage girls and other mutilated devil joined it as they ate the girl.

Too good I slept through this crap. I went for the exit. I was almost out when I heard some one yelled at me.

“ Don’t go through that door.”

I looked back at the darkness. Some jerk in the crowd was acting funny. I waved my finger at no one in particular.

I started to head for the exit. It was then I heard the laughter’s. I turned around and my eyes for a moment were on the screen. The deformed human beings were laughing they were destroying people, eating them and all the disgusting stuff you can get from a cheap horror flick. I smiled seeing the impractical bloody butchery. The movie was having its cheap effect for me. For a moment it felt that the creatures in the flick were laughing at me. Well I laughed at the thought as I went through the exit. I was a little pissed as some jerk in the crowd was still screaming for me to stay.

I reached the huge door. It was wooden and had a rotten odor. May be I was going insane but I felt that the door was alive but it was too late. I went to the other side not looking back and paying attention to the rising screams, the haunting laughter’s and agonizing shrieks.

“Hey honey I think there is some one in the room”

My wife whispered.

I just pretend not to listen to her. In fact I was thinking about the mutilated devils and the way they ate the people. I was shivering with fear. It all came back to me. The devils the hell I was stuck in. The rotten door that served as a gateway to hell for me. I don’t have a clue why it’s me who was chosen to suffer in this hell or who created this hell. But some how I knew that I was lucky to escape once but now I am here to stay…. and suffer..for eternity.

YEOCUHHH!!! I screamed and my hand went at my back. There it was a knife stabbed in my back. I felt it with my hands and also the warm blood flowing from my wounds…

” Damn you!” I yelled.

I got up quickly. And my wife never got a chance….

only hell....

Friday, April 15, 2005


I was enraged and rightly so. My daughter was crying she was moaning softly. I beat her hard and I was not proud of my act. I felt like weeping too. But I knew she deserve the smacking she got from me. Oh but being a good mom I knew I must now apologize to her, I must wash all the blood and dirt off her face.

“ Oh mom I am so sorry I wont ever try to go out again, I promise.” My daughter shrieked with terror as she saw me approaching her.

“ Eileen you always do things to hurt your mom. You are a big girl now almost ten years old. Won’t you ever learn to obey your elder? I told you many times you can’t go out. Look what you made me do to you.”

I was crying now. Damn I did hurt her bad. Maybe it was the dope I was using. I was out of control when I threw her at the wall. I guess I was high when I struck her face with my fist. She was bleeding badly from her mouth. Hmm I don’t even remember hitting her mouth.

Eileen was still crying hard when she came to me hesitantly, as if she was afraid of me. It took much efforts but I was able to control the tears in my eyes. My heart was broken but being a mom I could not shed my tears freely like a ten year old.

“ I won’t go out again,” Eileen said in a whisper as she stood all tattered and torn by me.

“Silly girl, I know you won’t go out now. Not after what you made mom to do to you.”

I was dressing her wounds. She was crying still. Blood was coming from her mouth and that worried me. What if I broke some thing inside her? What if she is bleeding internally? I shook my head from these nasty thoughts. I gave Eileen a nice bath. She was whining as usual. I smiled at her. She was back to her usual self. Few hours later although she was in pain she was giggling when I tickled her. I was very glad to see that she was not bleeding from her mouth any more. It was getting late when I tucked her in the bed. It turned out to be a nasty night for her.

“Hey mom.” I was almost out of the room when I heard Eileen. I came back to her. She was struggling hard to speak. Her mouth had swollen and her lips were pressed in a weird angle. I felt bad again I felt like crying.

I held her hands in mine. She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Mom why I am so ugly? ”

She was weeping softly. I shed few tears too as I knew poor Eileen was right. As I looked at her face I felt pity for her. She was a child only a mother could love. God made her hideous. When she was born every one was astounded to witness a beautiful mom and her ugly baby. But she was my love. And I hid her from the world in my house. I kept her in a room. And I would not let here interact with the outside world. I knew they all would laugh at her. They would shriek in terror when they would see my daughter hideous figure. I had told the bitter truth to Eileen when she was seven. That was the first time I showed her the mirror. Oh that was a bad time. She cried when she saw herself in the mirror. She screamed to be like her mom. She wanted to be as beautiful as me. And I promised her then that I would make her beautiful. And for the last three years I have tried hard to make her beautiful like me. I did her makeup every day. I worked on her face very hard. But she was still unsightly. She was still horrible.

“Mom every one out there is beautiful like you” Eileen was pointing out of the window to the outside world.

“Yes dear they all are. And I kept you in this room for your own good. I am sorry I beat you hard. But if you would have succeeded in going out it would have been disastrous for you.” I tried to explain her but I guess it was obvious to her.

“I know mom. I am not mad at you. I know they would all laugh at me. They would throw stones at me and I remember you told me they would love to make fun of an ugly being like me. But mom when I would be like you.”

Eileen was weeping again.

“I am trying hard darling. And you are showing some signs of beauty now. But much work have do be done. I learned a new trick from my friend. I would try to use it on you tomorrow.” I kissed her softly on the cheeks.

“ Mom would it hurt” Eileen asked nervously.

“A little but it is very necessary. You want to be pretty like me you have to bear a little pain” I kissed her again as I saw her nodding in approval.

I was in my room. I was holding pins and needles. I was a little worried. Being a nurse I knew how to handle these instrument but I have not tried using them on anyone face before. But I knew as a mom it was my duty to help my daughter. I would use these on her face tomorrow. She would cry she always did whenever I tried new operation on her. But in the end she would get use to it like all the other procedure I used on her.

Going to bed I looked at the mirror. All the tears I tried to hold in front of Eileen came out. I wept for my ugly daughter. As I saw my beautiful figure my lovely reflection in the mirror. I prayed to God, I begged him to bless my Eileen with my beautiful looks.

Eileen was so hideous. I looked at my beautiful head. It was smooth. There were no dirty hairs. I was bald and it looked so nice. I wished Eileen could be bald like me. But she had hideous long golden hair. I shaved her head every week. But her hair always grew back. I have taught her how to pull her hairs out of her head. It breaks my heart whenever she cried at her hideous hairs while yanking them out with her hands.

I was weeping harder as I saw my beautiful eyes. They were small and so wonderfully packed in my sockets. I had beautiful dark circles around my eyes. Eileen on the other hand got the worst eyes I could imagine. Her eyes were so big and bright. There was not a single trace of blackness around it. Oh God why you gave her such repulsive eyes?

I looked at my figure and I cried for Eileen. She was nothing like her mom. I knew I was marvelously built. I was rounding, small and so fat. I looked like a princess. Eileen was only ten but had grown like a demon. She was so hideously slim and tall. She cried when I told her that she had a height of a demon and looks of a monster.

I was going to bed when I gave one good look to my beautiful face. I thanked God for God blessed me with such an attractive face. I had such a dark complexion. My face was nothing like Eileen. She had creamy white skin. Her skin was so soft, not hard and disfigured like her mom. Her mom had beautiful scars on her face and she had none.

Oh how hard I worked on her face and her body but nothing had worked for my poor ugly child. I always used charcoal and rub dirt on her face. So she could be black like me. I made her eat food ten times a day so she could be round and fat like her mom.

I was so unhappy. My baby wanted to go out. She wanted to meet people. But I have explained it to her many times. She was not going out at any cost unless she was fine-looking like me. It would break my heart if some one would make fun of her. But I think tomorrow she would be like me. I had never used pins and needles on her face before but may be the litter surgical procedure I would perform on her would make her gorgeous. I slept.

So much blood so much pain. I shrieked with terror as I felt Eileen puking blood on her mom.

“Oh mom! Stop it, its hurting too much” Eileen whispered in agony.

I was piercing her nose with the needle I was holding. I had stitched her ugly and bloody face several times now. She was throwing so much blood at me.

“Oh Eileen I have to work a little more on your face. Don’t be a baby. This thing is working. For the first time you are looking good to me.”

Eileen was not replying. But she was still breathing. I had to tie her to the bed because her body was jerking very hard. She threw her mom off once like a demon she was. But I worked on her face for hours weeping myself. But I knew it was for my daughters on good.

So many days have passed since then. I was very proud of Eileen. She was happy too. I remember when I showed her the mirror, when she regains consciousness few days after the operation. She was jumping with joy when she saw her beautiful face.

“Hey mom I am even better looking then you!” She jumped and hugged me. I looked at her face full of scars, her abnormal nose, the way her face was scared. And hugged her back. “ Yes you are honey, finally you are.” I replied with tears of joy in my eyes.

“Hey mom can I go out now?” Eileen asked me then.

“I am afraid not. You got beautiful face like your mom but your figure is still not round and fat. You are tall and slim like a demon. We don’t want people to make fun of you”

Eileen cried hard then. She cursed God for making her ugly and I beat her badly. But now as I stood outside her room holding my axe, my operating instrument. I felt there was still hope for her. Maybe she would go out. Maybe she would be beautiful like here mom.

There were screams, there was blood but it was for Eileen’s own good. She was finally short like her mother. Now If I could do any thing about her weight!

‘Suicide Bomber’

I sit and watch. Everyone is so happy here. I am at a restaurant, a very popular fast food outlet of this lousy town. I am eating a burger and enjoying every bite of it. I never had an opportunity of eating a burger before and I guess this is the first and last time I’ll ever flavor a burger. I am going to finish this delicious burger and then I’ll blow myself.

I’ll kill myself. I would cause great pain and agony to many people here. And I would end the pain that is my life. All the pain and agony I went through ends here. All the tears I shed all the wounds I abide would disappear with me. Yes I am a ‘suicide bomber’.

There is a cute couple sitting at a table next to me. They are arguing. I hope they made up before I pull the cord of the many hidden dynamite tied all around my body, hidden under my cloth. I am distracted by the cries of one kid. He is no more then five. He is pleading his dad for an ice cream. Yeah Dad go and get your kid an ice-cream in a few minutes his bloody and torn body won’t be able to eat any ice cream ever again. I looked around me. There are many people here, more then a hundred is my estimation. And all of them are very rich and powerful. People from offices, kids with their parents, teens and even old folks all enjoying a good meal and a happy life. I wish hell to all of them and I’ll end up in heaven. The people who send me for inflicting chaos to my enemies told me this.

I don’t believe that though, Killing all these innocent people would surly earn me a first class ride to hell. The people who told me that wanted to motivate me to carry their stupid operation. They don’t know, the people who would die here won’t know either. I am doing this all for myself. I am killing poor kids and their parents all for myself. Yes I am an asshole but circumstances can make an educated and nice guy like me assholes. They can turn a commonsensical guy like me into a bloody insane human.

I want them to feel the way we feel everyday of our life. I remember well when my kid brother was shot in the head. He was shot at point blank range by the soldier who was pissed by the fact that my seven-year-old brother spat at him with all the hate of the world. The solider spat back with a bullet. I am in that soldier’s country now and all the people here are soldiers like him to me. They are the supporter of the army that is killing my people. They pay money to them and live a happy life when there money is used to put bullet in many kids in my country. The day my brother was shot was the day I turned into an asshole.

I can feel the tears coming out of my eyes. Few people are eying me suspiciously but I don’t care. I am not worried about any thing now. It would take a mere second for me to pull the cord and start a bloody massacre. I am thinking about my brother and how much I loved him. I am thinking about the time when going home I was picked up by the soldiers. They kept me under custody for over a week. They thought I was a ‘ suicide bomber’ then. I remember the torment I went through. They made me eat shit; they made me lick their shoes. Yes they beat the hell out of me, pulled my nails out with their tools. Burn my body with cigars made me puke blood every time I eat. After a week they let me go. I guess that turned me into an asshole. I went in the cell as a pissed of brother deeply wounded by his younger sibling death and walked out as a suicide bomber.
And then there are many other reasons. These soldiers drop bomb over our houses. Our women being raped everyday. And there is no one in the world to hear our pleas and cries. We are mere news to the world. Our deaths are so cheap that they don’t even count to all the happy people. People like the one I am surrounded by now. The supporters of the devils are all around me.

So that’s how an asshole suicide bomber is created. When he finds no justice, no one to fight for his bloody and torn life. And there are many like me. They want to leave a mark on this world, a bloody stain on the white cloth of life. We are dying and we in turn kill.

Yes we are wrong in killing poor innocent people. But we have gone mad seeing our loved one kill brutally and getting no tears of sorrow from other but spit of disgust on our face.

The time has come. But I am still waiting. I am waiting for the kid who was asking for an ice cream. His dad got him one and I want him to leave. He reminds me of my brother. The kid’s now gone with his dad. I looked around at the poor couple. The girl was smiling and the guy was happy. I guess they made. They are kissing now….

I pulled the cord.